how to get kicked out of my house

Well, I don't think it's a big secret to some of you that I've had a rough week. I have had the misfortune of having the single most inconsiderate houseguest all week long, and last night it got even worse. I need to get all this off my chest.

So I've developed a list of the top ways to piss me off while staying at my house... I'm not making this stuff up.

1. Don't thank Sean for the free hotel room he got you in Belgium.
2. Sit on my couch, night after night, and take control of the remote control without ONCE asking me what I would like to watch.
4. Don't bother putting your dishes away. I'm here to serve.
5. Leave my guitar laying on the couch where dogs could jump on it and hurt it. And while we're at it, play your annoying guitar music. Whenever you like. Really, don't bother asking if I want to hear it. It's not like my house is so big you could go in another room.
6. Make yourself a cup of hot chocolate in the largest coffee mug I have and leave me no milk for my meager cup of coffee in the morning.
7. The one night Sean is home, grab the remote and don't bother asking him what he's interested in watching. It's okay, it's not like it's HIS television.
8. Be playing my accordion without asking when I return early from a dog walk.
9. Offer to clean the kitchen when I've prepared your meal, then don't even bother to push in your chair and go ahead and start watching TV while I clean up after you. Again, I'm here to serve.
10. Spend an hour trying to get the number one spot on each sport on our Wii Fit. Move on the the next immediately with a comment about your new number one record and having beaten us. Of course I don't want to play, so don't bother even asking.
11. Don't say hi after you've disappeared all day. Just ask me if I have any German chocolate. Preferably with almonds.
12. If we're in another country and it is snowing heavily from there to my house and I ask you to hurry because the roads could be bad and I'm not used to driving in blizzards, take your time. Make me wait 5 minutes for you every 3 minutes so you can take photos... It's okay, I'm probably just joking about the weather anyway.
13. Help yourself to my scalp massager. It's obviously something I would want to share with everyone. Make sure you let me know every time you work one of your tangles out.
14. Throw Vodka in my face when I pour you a shot at the German event organized in your honor. I understand, you want something else. I'm sure I deserve it.
15. Tell me on your 6th night that I can't stay with you in Austin. Because I was counting on that. I don't have two houses and countless friends there... I wanted to stay in your hippie commune...
16. Tell me the reason you are such an ass to me is because I look just like a girl you used to know. Of course that makes a difference!
17. Threaten to turn your girlfriend against me so she'll never speak to me again.

Well folks, she may never speak to me again, but I certainly hope that's not the case as I do love her dearly (though am obviously SERIOUSLY questioning her judgment). This morning I waited until they came downstairs, asked Brian when he wanted to go the the train station, told him I wanted him out of my house immediately, and dropped the two of them off about 30 minutes later.

I have never been so angry and insulted in all my life.